


The Prophet's Teachings

by harmonia_bloom



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Cult, Destiny Children, Funny, Gen, Pop Culture, Siblings, The Umbrella Academy (TV) Season 2 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harmonia_bloom/pseuds/harmonia_bloom
Summary: After Season 1, before Season 2.Klaus and Ben discuss teachings that the Great Prophet can leave to his Destiny Children.Watch out: Season 2 Spoilers!
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Kudos: 49





	The Prophet's Teachings

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, there!
> 
> So, here's another funny short fic. It's silly, I know, but I kept all day long thinking about that... 
> 
> I hope you like it!

Dallas, 1962

"I was thinking ...", Klaus started, quietly.

"Shouldn't you be in silence while meditating?", Ben asked, peering with his left eye and raising an eyebrow.

The brothers were seated by a the Prophet's mansion garden, both in lotus position, the group of followers of the cult imitating, forming circles around them. That event was a marketing strategy: for just a dollar, anyone could be part of that "spiritual ascension" Klaus was promoting.

"Rude", Klaus grunted. "So, I was thinking... We should add some teaching to Destiny Children".

Ben took a deep breath. "To attract followers?".

"To uplift our minds and hearts, dear", Klaus corrected.

"Okay", Ben gave in. "Any ideas?".

"Maybe 'don't stop me now'?".

"Queen", Ben smiled. "Excellent choice, bro. But I feel like it should be a stronger phrase, you know?".

"Yeah, you are right". Klaus sighed and thought for a while. "What do you think of 'party rock is in the house tonight'?".

Ben laughed. "This is a great one, but it may not match the spirituality your followers are looking for".

"Dang", Klaus muttered, pursing his lips. "I just don't know what teaching I should leave today".

At that, a slight man ran across the garden. The cult's followers opened their eyes, puzzled by that disturbance.

"Prophet, great Prophet," the man knelt before Klaus. "I have traveled distant paths to meet you and to hear your words of wisdom, but I just don't have the money to join in this sacred meeting".

"Well, then I guess there's only one advice I can give you", Klaus, a little irritated, gave the man a small smile. "You better work, bitch".

The crowd was in silence, but suddenly, voice by voice, all Destiny Children were shouting like they were in trance: YOU BETTER WORK, BITCH.

Klaus looked to Ben.

"You are a genius", Ben whispered, gaping. "But maybe, next time, you should say something less... Britney, Bitch".


End file.
